Comparing yourself to others is unavoidable. James and Phoebe give four practical steps on how to compare yourself to others, but in a more powerful way.
James starts the episode by providing two quotes on the act of comparing ourselves to other people, the first by Theodore Roosevelt and the second from James himself.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
“Contrast is the seed of desire; desire is the foundation for results”
Four steps you can take to compare yourself to others, and to feel more empowered
Step 1: Acknowledge it
By acknowledging it when it is happening, comparing yourself to others won’t persist anymore.
The action of comparing yourself to others isn’t necessarily good or bad, as it depends on the meaning that we put on it when we focus on the other person. By have a negative reaction to it, we’re really saying is “I can’t have (what that other person has).”
“Every time you feel negative, it is because you are experiencing something negative in your life”
Step 2: Determine the context and perspective
According to James, this step is necessary because we have so much “stuff” in our heads.
When people put their best foot forward on social media, we’re not seeing their “behind the scenes.”
Some pieces of context to consider are time, goals and personality types of the person you are comparing yourself to.
The person may have been in business for many more years that you have. It’s important to look at the person and try to figure where they were at at the same point you are at now.
When you’re struggling and doing comparisons, look at the other person(s) goals. Consider that someone else may just be on a different path than you, and you don’t want the same things in business and life.
As well, personality types should be considered when comparing yourself to others. Myers Briggs defines 16 basic personality types, and there are free tests online to help you determine yours (see “INTERVIEW LINKS”).
When you identify your personality type, you identify your strengths. James considers himself an introvert, and his strengths are details, systems, thinking and intuition. Someone like Gary Vaynerchuk is an extrovert, with a different set of strengths, which makes it difficult to accurately compare himself to.
Phoebe reminds listeners to be confident in their strengths, and who they are.” If you try to be somebody you’re not, it’s never going to come out in an authentic way.
Step 3: Identify your goals
When you see someone that has something that you want, or don’t currently have, you can add some of his or her goals to your list. This can either inspire, or upset you. Either way, you want it and if you do experience the negative emotion, it’s important to stop and consider why this is happening.
You should work towards your goals, and place them on your vision board or on your “to-do list.”
Step 4: Have gratitude
Gratitude is the vibration, or emotion, that is the most attractive. It will bring you what you want, the most.
“(Being grateful) is like opening your arms for more” (James)
Make a list of what you are proud of and grateful for, as well as the things that you’ve accomplished to date. Phoebe calls this her “accomplishment inventory.”
“Give a blessing to the person you’ve just compared yourself to. It’s only through your comparison to them that a desire was born within you.” (James)
James concludes the episode by observing that when we see other people’s success, this is proof that we are on the right path to achieving our goals.